counsel.

okay maybe this is silly but I can't get One by U2 out of my head..
the lyrics suddenly resonate so strongly.

maybe its Bono's reaction to love that is so startlingly true for me.
He definitely sees it the same way and gets what I want.

Thank goodness for U2.

So, I've been going to counseling the last days of this week and finding that the reason I've been so stressed out is also because I have cared too much.

I've also had strong feeling about things. I dream too big. I fall too fast. I hurt for others when I shouldn't care.

My counselor, Jeremy, told me that the number one thing that hurts people the most is too strong of beliefs.. Believe in things to strongly. Wars, relationships..
I think he is right.

So, I'm letting go of God. The God that others would have me believe in. I am getting back to what I always thought God was. Who God is true to me to be.

What you believe is un-proovable and irrelevant, what is more important is not letting the journey control you but using the journey to help you decide what you believe.

That reaps more love. Because, yes, truth is probably black and white, but life is not and never will be. Ideally I am a sinner..

NO WAY! haha

I think even the Bible knows that, realistically, idealism doesn't have much of a place in this world... but to strive for it anyway..
((e.i. David, a man of God's own heart, was a adulterer and murder))


Letting go is a part of that. Knowing who I am and what I truly believe will not please everyone. Knowing that I may never find love. But knowing that, that is okay.

I read over some of my blog posts and some of them are biting .. smack of caring way too much. I know nothing, really,.. nothing.
All I got to say to you readers, is I'm really sorry.

Life is for the living, and I need to do more of that, rather than sitting and philopsophizing and analyze it.

We have huge database of wisdom from everywhere. From others, and our parents, and God or gods, the world itself.. but our experience is our own..
and we must live life with lasting joy and with adventure, which comes from what we honestly believe and want for ourselves ... For although life is what we have in common not everyone experiences it the same.