closer.

today I feel pretty happy!
happier than a long time.

I'm proud to say that I think I've worked out my issues that had been plaguing me for 6 years.
I can never be free to do creative things until I'm happy and its takes a while to know yourself enough to get there.

I was watching 60 minutes the other night and Beyonce was on. I've always liked her woman power and vocal capabilities, but what turned me on the most was her maturity, her ambition, her accountability, and her competitiveness. She knows what she wants and where she is going and simultaneously made that super sexy. You could tell she was not a woman to take any bullshit or apologize for not taking it, yet that made her more sexy than not. She made valuing those things very alluring. She kind of became a role model for me and getting my life together. Where as peers might not want to take up responsibility and accountability yet, I am ready, head long ready to do so.. youth doesn't just mean hacking life and getting by, it is an opportunity to push yourself even further because you can accomplish more, and that is not stupid and definitely is fun.

Art is creative and ethereal and hard to pin point but it also needs to mean business and focus and hard work. Taking control of life is fun, it feels empowering, and it keeps you from worry and a focus on yourself. I was surprised by some of her words that made so much sense.. she said the first person in her life is herself. That seems so smart to me. You have to not only know yourself, but feed yourself.. be who you want to be.. and then real love for others can flow.
SO!


#1
Take control of my life! be proud of who I am. Be proud of the bad decisions because afterward I made the choice to learn from them and champion them into good decisions.


And later, seemingly contradictorily, she said that egos are not attractive. She is a boss on her turf but not an ego maniac. I think egotistical-ness comes from a lack of self respect and confidence so you have to feed off praise and adoration. But if you have followed step one! you don't need people to fulfill you, because, as she said in the interview, you are solely in competition with yourself, with being better than yourself and topping your expectations vs. others'. And I can say these things because I've most definitely fed off people to much dissatisfaction.


#2
Egos aren't attractive because it means you are focusing on the wrong things. Your potential is the goal. The work should satisfy you so who cares what the others think.


/////||||||\\\\\\

I was thinking the other day about judgment.

Christianity isn't a genre for me. Yet people judge me by that label, so I almost have to strip it to be acceptable to some.

But people DO need to be judged. But not by the fundamental Christian outline.

People should be judged on whether or not they are a good PERSON. period.

Each to his own. Anything is sacred and anything can be evil. It depends on how shallow or stupid haha or how over analytical you are.. etc. .. to know what you need in life. Any anyone can need anything, its just whether you can respect others and respect yourself.. love others and love yourself at the end of it all.

We can't all assume that people are going to want the same things as us. No one is ever honest about their faults or where they are in life when you first meet them. You cannot fall in love or trust a friend as fast as you do in movies.. its unrealistic. Its not steady or sustainable.

So I'm tired of hearing that we shouldn't judge people. We should.. but not at once.. not like a book by its cover .. but over time and circumstances.. through the good and the bad.. and based on the scale of who they are as a PERSON disregarding the boxes that you try to fit them in.

And over time people can gain your love, your respect, and trust that is true and genuine. mmm.. and being there is such a good feeling. To know someone and be close to them in every aspect.

real fulfillment
comes from that -->

knowing yourself
challenging yourself
loving who you are // what you do
building deep friendships

living life deeper instead of wider or broader.

AWESOME

thank you, Beyonce