Jane Eyre

This morning was glorious! I couldn't help smiling when I saw Seattle sparkling against Lake Union on my drive into work. I am happy for now. Life is good. And trying to focus on the right things. Pulling the log out of my own eye, to be honest..

Today has promise. I am corny I know, but last night me and my mom watched BBC's Jane Eyre and what a contrast it is to Mulholland Drive and David Lynch's other film Blue Velvet, which I am currently watching.. Its not a masterpiece but it portrays something we all dream of yet mysteriously can't seem to always accomplish,.. love. It re-inspired me to wait for love. Not a perfect human being but one capable of this type of love that I so long for. Someone who also believes it is possible. Sometimes I think we make up the impediments to this sweet condition ourselves, or watch the pot, or look for it in all the wrong places. We seek the thrill and sell out before we find the real thing. Patience is a virtue that I must learn for it reaps the most amazing beautiful benefits. I know I am impatient but looking at Eyre who didn't really even believe that she need look for love or expect it in life, found it because by the same attitude she didn't contrive it. Focus on life, happiness, moderate ambition, spontaneity, enjoyment of small things and I am sure, if it is meant to be, it will come.

So re-infused with the promise of a hopeful outlook and the excitement of filmic pursuits and new opportunities .. new challenges.. new places that will destroy my comfort zone but make me awesomer.. I find a kind of contentment, that doesn't live on its own but MUST be fostered. I know that now. For me to be happy with who I am and life in general, I have to work at it. It doesn't come naturally but it is on me to do it. All on me. I know that now. God claims no part in that. He can open a door but I can just as easily slam it in His face with my attitude or not even see it or want it. That means God is a choice. I even choose to want Him to exist and I design the value of His worship. And I am searching to find the wisdom of the Bible reflected in the world.. I know I am bias because I want to find.. but I'll try and stay objective so that when I find those snatches of God, it will be real.



Haha I heard in a T.I. and Chris Brown song this morning that said "my road to redemption has no GPS".. I feel like that is true. In our youth we kinda wander.. and I think, more than anything, ourselves is what hurts us the most. I don't think T.I. means redemption from hell, and I don't think that is what interests me either. Its more redeption from yourself. From unhappiness. I think one day ((hopefully if we have learned from our mistakes)) we see life for what truly it is. Honestly what it is. And we know what we claim and value in it.. and we attach ourselves to those things and let others identify WHO WE ARE through it.

At the same time people can sound soooo wise when they haven't been there. Wisdom is good, but it should be taken in context.. and your grain of salt in anyone's wisdom is based off your lived life.. only you know what you NEED and what you want for yourself. so chase it! And then live it and don't look back. Questioning is good but a life over analyzed and over questioned is HELL. I say intuition is priceless. You'll know when you are headed the right way..

I talked with a friend the other night.. a friend who was really really really conservative for the longest time. Then she confronted reality.. tested her beliefs and is a whole new person. Yesterday's wisdom is not her wisdom of today. She has become world wise. I don't mean cynical. Don't ever let cynical-ness destroy the possibilities.. because life can be whatever you set your mind and your attitude for it to be.. but she had realized how life works for her .. her soul. That is pure good goodness when you find that!!!