what sucks

is someone telling you they think you might have low self esteem.

what doesn't suck, is to know that you weren't struggling with low self esteem but struggling with a vitamin D deficiency???

I have seriously

not been able to snap of this funk.

this sudden sadness that would grip me and not let me go.

I turned to unhealthy things and means to pull myself out of it. romances, drinking, curling up in a ball and laying in my bed for hours.. not engaging in life, etc.

I ended up feeling selfish, I ended up disliking myself. Not for what I actually did.. but for what I wanted to do..

I felt self consumed and self indulgent. Even if I didn't act on it on the outside, I felt it and knew it was true on the inside. I easily allow myself to be a victim.. I had to much worry and sadness to stand up for myself. I had to validate myself through always pleasing everyone..

Then I went to go to the doctor. For a general check up but also to get some answers, because suddenly I wasn't going to be fooled anymore.

I felt crazy.

I logically wanted one thing but my body made me feel miserable for it.

I knew that not everyone could possibly feel this way!

people that I respect and admire were naturally happy..

A week later.

My blood panel showed a severe vitamin D deficiency and I was perscribed a heavy dose of vitamin D.. 50,000 units a week.. to catch up.

Suddenly the world just is. Not in worry or anxiety.. not in constant over analyzation of myself or of others.. like before.

Finally..!!!

I tried to change my attitude a million times ..

but I know now it is impossible to be happy

if your body is sabotaging you.

Vitamin D.. while not a proven cure for depression and definitely not for most cases..

does control the serotonin in your brain.. or the hormone that triggers happiness.

seriously guys.

get regular check ups.
it could change your life quite profoundly.

&&

happiness + joy might be as near as a vitamin D prescription.