hard work. work hard.

So.
Filmmaking.

I am realizing how saturated the market is.. and how LUCKY I am to be a ShadowCatcher.
I want to sooo badly to work in the top of the top in the film industry. I'm not even sure why.
I think it is because those are the type of people I want to mix with. I am so addicted to how smart Tom is. I so addicted to how much work Ginny Ruffner gets done. I want to be amongst people like that. ALL the time. They are exciting and challenging. I thought I wanted to be a great filmmaker because I wanted to make good films.. which I still do, but now I really want to make smart films to be around the smart people who make smart films.

I do not want to squander this opportunity. I have to be good at this stage of the process so that I can be good at the next. I have to work above and beyond what I need to at this level so that I can make sure to tackle the next. I want to live life fuller in the sense that I take on everything and anything and be the best at everything and anything.

I found that I haven't been who I was all along because I never saw myself as that. Now that someone has mentioned that I am "ambitious" and "aggressive" I realized that I was all along.. just no one ever took me seriously.. or maybe this is something new.. maybe I just never believed in myself.. Whatever the case.. I am finally in a good place! I am finally in a place I fit.

Its up to me. Its how far I want to take it.

"When I die I'll rot, but when I live.. I'll give you all I got" -Sufjan Stevens.