holy moly.

Holy Moly! The weirdest thing just happened to me. I went for the routine and dayily check of the company mailbox. Rows and rows of little doors in a back hallway of a UPS store. The hallway was straightforward plain - secluded yet with open window to the sky outside. It was crazy! suddenly I was so happy! the hallway was so happy... I didn't want to leave.

Granted, I am a over thinker and over feeler.. retarded and suckl-ly so. But this task carried no worry, no anxiety. My key was going to fit the lock.. the door was going to open. The hallway didn't make any statement.. it wasn't a person, anything that would grow out of you or change on you.

It just was.

I knelt there, by the box a few minutes and took that in. Soaked it up. I realized, now that I could understand it fully, that I could decide to make life like this (if I wanted) -- so simple. It was like I was kneeling at the alter of simplicity, and not just a postal box.

BUT, this sort of simplicity was a simplicity I fear like a an antidepressant. To simplify my thought process. To be more normal and socially acceptable. Does it also shut off all the glorious things too? My thoughts and feeling that seem so debilitating are also my personal strength.
I love seeing moments of time this way. Even the very thought... the idea of the beautifulness of this hallway probably wouldn't have struck me any other way.
It made me laugh sheepishly as I left the UPS store and reentered into the real world.

This hallway then, as funny as it seems, was a intelligently sent tool. A tool to show me how I could think. How I could see things in life to harness my so called weakness. To take my complexity and consolidate those thoughts into the exact shape and form of a UPS store hallway. A hallway defined by straightforward rules, where you are the only variable. Trying to seeing the forest but still able to break it down to the trees.. whenever. you. want.

Golden!!