there always is a separation between us and the world.
there always is a separation between ourselves and another person.

that is empowering.
for the longest time, I thought that having that person would make me happy

I thought, I like myself. I think I am awesome! but why doesn't anyone else!!!
the problem is I wasn't comfortable in my skin at all.
maybe I liked the concept of me, but I didn't like me.

I think that when you know who you are and you like it, no one can manipulate you.
No one's truths will conflict with your own
and you won't trade in yourself for another

I was thinking the other day..
while I was cooking in a bikini.
yes. cooking in a bikini.

I was thinking: this is fun!
someday I will do this for my husband.

I liked that about myself. I thought, I want to be that person.
that person who randomly decides to cook in a bikini

the problem is no one knows that I am that person.
they look at me and say:

cute but silly and gullible little girl
aw, adorable.

haha
oh, book covers.
all is never as it appears. unless you only are interested in the skin deep.
and someday someone will get to know me enough not to know better than to put me in that box.
but for now I will embrace all of the following::

yes! I love Jesus
yes! I cook in bikinis
yes! confirmed! I am silly and laugh at everything
yes! I love John Stewart
yes! rage against the machine makes me happy
yes! I climb mountains
yes! I watch world cup finals and I will watch UFC fighting matches
yes! yes! I laugh at South Park
yes! I also will admit I light votive candles for people
yes! I have not gone to church in at least 4 months. surprise!
yes! I watch Dr. Who as a pastime
yes! who runs this town? j-j-j-jay-z!!
yes! If I get mad at a cat for clawing me I may or may not throw it across the room and I may or may not get paid back by karma by sitting back down on the curling iron I had set precariously on the couch cushion
yes! I may or may not miss you if you kiss me. so make double sure you mean it.