Learning How to Love

So as you know, I am an advocate of love.

Though in my recent life, I haven't been as loving as I would like.

I wanted to be the bad girl. The one that would never get hurt. The one that would never grow attached.

Unfortunately, I did. I substituted assertiveness and boundaries with distance because of fear. Fear is the number one killer of love.

Though people can hurt us, yes.. We let them. And this is truly true.

Though I would like to rant about my broken trust and broken heart, I have to take responsibility for my part. No one really broke my trust .. I knew and I chose what I did.

Ultimately, its a risk you have to be willing to take. Smartly of course. But if I never took the risk, nothing ever would happen.

So I am content to be. I want to truly put my love out there. I learned my lesson about what I want. I really want a REAL relationship. A relationship with real love and real intimacy and I want someone who is capable of giving that back.

I need to become the person that I would hope to find.

What do I need to take responsibility for in a relationship:

Boundaries.
I need to know what I need and when I am not getting it I need to bring it up assertively and then back that up with actions. Leave a bad situation even if its hard. Be honest about it.

Being assertive makes others feel loved and yourself feel loved. You address the situation in a loving way for both of you. That way you both feel safe. They don't feel like they will step on you and you won't feel resentment and hurt. I regret not seeing this as being loving. I guess I didn't know what love truly was till now.

Assertiveness through boundaries will also help you stop the anger you feel at a massive injustice. If you are checking in with yourself and what you need, you won't hurt others when you lash out after "having enough of their bad behavior". You will have been assertive about those needs from the beginning.

Be Honest with Myself.
Words are good thoughts but I need to be honest with myself and others when actions are seeming to be in play. I should know what I need in situations, even if others don't.

Being knowledgable about yourself is loving because you don't hurt others with unwittingly being unable to be honest with them because of lack of knowledge about yourself.

Part of this is trusting yourself. I know and trust now that I will be a loving and solid partner towards someone. I trust that I will be more careful with my words, nurture and honor someone.

The Trust Others Put in You is Very Valuable.
The fact that they are with you is a big statement in trust. They trust you with their time, their heart, their thoughts. This is a great privilege.

On some level, I knew this to be true but now I really see it. Be careful with someone's heart and your own heart. Nurture others and give them a safe place to be themselves. Beyond honoring their trust on big issues such as never cheating... be communicative, don't put them down (even when frustrated), listen to their thoughts, thank them for what they are giving you, and expect the same.

Take Responsibility. 
This is a reminder. When something does wrong, I usually always take the blame. Don't take the blame! Take responsibility for your part. This should not be not a huge critique you should feel bad about. The ending of a relationship gives you a chance to think about things very objectively. You might be doing well, but you could always be better.

Identify where you can take responsibility and learn from your actions. Its a great opportunity, though very painful. Haha I can sympathize with you there.