++ knowing human nature ++

These next couple of months are going to be super sobering. Not sad, not depressing, just sobering. I feel a little wiser by the world. I now know that it doesn't matter how good you try to be to others, they still will hurt you. You will be hurt. But that's life I guess, and its not really how other people conduct themselves that matter. All you can be responsible for is yourself and how you view yourself and love yourself and are good to yourself in the face of stuff like this.

This whole revelation has made me start talking more about life in terms of being able recognizing true value and happiness in the world and getting closer to what it means to be human, versus talking about it in the context of God. This scares me somewhat. It seems that, while true Christians do possess something unique, I also find that same unique love and selflessness in those that want to be good and know what it means to truly be human and truly create happiness. Some of the cruelest people have claimed Christianity as well as some of the kindest. So what does it really mean? I feel somewhat a drift right now. I want to cling to God because he has meant so much to me but.. it all twisted around now. The people that hurt... still hurt but they hurt in any context, Christian or not.. The principles that I find instilled in worldly but good and happy people are the same principles I find in the wisdom of Christianity. It makes Christianity valid, but also makes it seem less the bottom line for being a better person. I know that I couldn't have made it here without God, but it can't be just God alone, you MUST do something earthly to make a difference. If there is a problem and you know it, you can't scream at God to fix it and then sit there and make the same choices over and over and over. You have to be active for God to help you. Go to counseling. Get help. Pay your bills. Get a job. Its like hoping to win the lottery and screaming at God for not blessing you, but never going out and buying a ticket. There is NO WAY to win the lottery if you never get the ticket in the first place. God can't do everything for you if you won't even do anything for yourself.

So maybe I have to see God as not only offering the possibility of a better life but as something even more, so that in the face of these wrong doers, I can still find the value in what I believe.