Sabbath Day Thoughts

I realized today that I need changing as much as any person. I need to desire better and better things. Before I truly met God through my friends Katie and Christa, sophomore year, I didn't care much about God. Theoretically I wanted to pursue a relationship with God, but I didn't give him much of a second thought. I wanted a genuine relationship but constantly was in the thought mode that God didn't really effect my life much and he was kind of a fairy tale. I realize now that when God comes into your core that your whole perspective shifts. You desire different things... you want different things. You can't force yourself to love something and be good just for the sake of it. You have to be changed from the inside out.

In high school I was so focused on my outsides. I thought that if I look correct people would make assumptions about by insides and give me a chance to be cool. Finally, through college, I have been working on the insides and now have come to the epiphany that I REALLY need to dig deep inside of myself and figure EVERYTHING out.

Why is love and kindness always associated with weakness. Love is the strongest thing in the universe yet it is really hard to genuinely love and not get trampled. Some people around me are extremely, extremely loving, and I wonder how they do it? How can they pour out so much of themselves and still remain strong? "I want to be strong in love which is stronger than death." (haha I quoted the Pope) I want to know if I am representing him right.. do people know my heart by my actions? Am I an unwitting hypocrite?
All I know is God is amazing amazing and maybe if I am filled with the love He has given me... people will take notice.