The Secret Lives of People We Know: St. Edwards

Why are all the cool guys I know such dick-less wonders? Their dick runs off without them..!! and in turn they lose their heads! So very disappointing to see so many smart and fun guys be such utter losers. At the first sign of some junk in the trunk and its like they are drunks. And, in the end, all they ever become is stone cold cynics... .. always whining that love is dead.

hahaha OH SHUT THE HELL UP. you get what you ask for

Anyways,

while all these dick-less wonders running around knocking into trees and sliding down slippery slopes, I am determined to be productive.

Yes. I get lonely. But I also am empowered and enlightened that I can do so much!! and enjoy this time thoroughly. since I am naturally dickless and have a head start in the smarts.

What is the matter with going and doing things alone? I am thrilled at the idea. Lots of people move to new places and new environments... I am tired of telling myself I will do something when I find someone rad to do it with. I've been waiting forever and I am done with it!! Another note is that now I am finally old enough and privileged enough not only to take all the responsibility of a million new bills to pay but also to be able to ramble to places on my own and do whatever I please!

Sometimes it takes basking in what you were afraid of to see how blessed you really are to have it in your life. To push you further. To make you better.. to refine you..

And being alone was something I have always been afraid of.

That is why this weekend I went to St. Edwards.. maybe my favorite place in the whole world. It is the creepiest forest in the Seattle metro area. You would swear you just stepped into a storybook or a fairy tale.

Friday night I had watched an episode of 48 Hours Mystery called "In Broad Daylight" about two teen girls that were snatched, raped and killed... one while walking to school, the other while jogging in the park.... both in broad daylight. .. This did not help my situation at all. The path to the lake was dark and the sky was cloudy. The switchbacks cut your view of the oncoming hikers and I felt nervous that I could have such a likely fate.

But I have always used this excuse.

Sahale can't go hiking because Sahale has no one to go with..... and she is a girl...... so if she goes alone, of course she will get raped.

Not this time. I figured I would rather get raped and killed than be forced by a theoretical assailant to stay home and bemoan my existence.

I was hoping that the trail would have something to offer me. Something profound and something to inspire. The place did, as it always had. The stalky, ancient appearing, trunks supported the mass of weighed down branches, filled with pine needles and moss. The muddied creek beds made trickling sounds in frozen and still valley. The smell of the forest and the plants reminded me of all the fun adventures I had, had there.

But what was truly profound, as I came up out of the forest, on the other edge of the lake, was that this experience was mine. Mine and no one else's.

No one else's permission required. Not even the lack of someone was there. No lack of someone's presence haunting me. No one to tell me that St. Edwards was stupid. That the drippy trees were boring.. or that the hike was too long. Or to give me a dull look as I gapped at the valley in awe. No one to share it with but definitely, and also, no one to ruin it for me. That experience could be, for me, exactly what I wanted it to be.