RE: Me

So, as most of us have developed personalities in our lives (except hot dudes in high school and babes in sororities) so I have been developing my personality the last 26 years.

Though I am certain the things I like: my favorite color, my favorite foods, the type of man I like, and my favorite wardrobe statement piece.. I still feel that I don't entirely know what I need. Things like: how I need to be treated and how I need to treat myself. That seems to be trickier.

There are so many voices telling you that to get the respect you deserve "you must do":

x
y
z

What if you don't do it perfectly and you get rejected? What if you aren't aware enough or in the right place to do it the way people think you should? Does that mean you "did" something wrong?

That is such a scary place to be. If everything on life is based on the minutia of every action you take... If someone would treat you a certain way because you did something wrong, then that implies if you had only done something different you might have deserved better.

But that kind of philosophy is too simplistic and destroys the ability to do for yourself.

Dress the way you want to dress, like the things you want to like, feel the way you want to feel and value whatever you want to value. Need the things you truly need and look for them where they are freely offered.

Doing those things for someone else won't change anything.

Doing those things for you, does.

When I feel no outlet for my feelings or my sexual energy, I find that, that is much of an excuse to feel angry, sad, and discouraged.

But nobody wants to be victim to those emotions.. not yourself and certainly not anyone else.

Yes, feeling a certain way is usually valid, but acting on it sometimes is not.

So I have found, that letting go is the only way to you will get what you need. However, it is not always the key to getting what you want in the moment. The secret is, knowing that what you need is much better.

Getting to know my personality and what I like is great... but I am realizing it is not enough for me. I need to get to know what my needs are and get brave enough to ask for them to be met or refine the people around me so that they will get met naturally. Because sacrificing your life to sadness, or anger, or frustration, or pain, or the pain of others doesn't cut it for me anymore.

I just want to be happy and carpe diem life to the fullest.