zebra.

I did a cover of my favorite Beach House song -- > "Zebra"

take one. hopefully I'll record a better one but for now. enjoy!

chill.

today I chill with a glass of water on my lawn.
life is pretty good.
I don't want to jinx it, but the amazing amount of things that I have learned this year
is staggering. I feel like most of my college experience was stagnate, expect for maybe film
and now it all is coming together.

the bugs the south is so loud. something I will never forget about this place.

at the end of July I start out on my epic trip back home to Seattle.
Although excited, I also am apprehensive. I guess anything I do now is new, so I will have to be apprehensive about it.

I slowly have learned that I can attain the relationship that I want in my life. I have to look at myself and know myself
to the deepest core. Then I have to have patience. Relationships are slow and amazing creatures, and when you look back at the years of knowing someone, that time and the journey is what makes them who they are to you. There is quick passion.. or a flash in the pan and then there is slow and burning and amazing passion of knowing someone in and out. They become a brother almost, a friend, a lover. All I can say is that now I am a person that is solid for a relationship. I can burn for someone and not get hurt, and I can know myself and look for something deeper and more substantial. something sustainable.

I can't wait to meet him : )

Being touched and taken of care of by someone is such a need. I am not ashamed of my neediness anymore, I just have learned to manage my emotions and become more mature about that need. I realized that being with someone for the rest of your life is something we long for because we need someone to take care of and someone to take care of us.. someone we love. Being touched is so powerful. It is recreating.. it is restoring.. it is healing.. it is sacred. It makes up for the toils and gives us a connection, a special connection with that future true friend.

As a tribute to my time in Chattanooga, I think that I am going to visit my good friends before I leave. love on them before I go. I want to document the whole trip from Chattavegas to Seattle and every national park in-between..! haha Get a Flip and a hardrive and GO! I want to make the whole thing into an extraordinary adventure documentary that I can share with the kiddies someday and YOU of course my bloggy friends.

NEW aaron roche.

A Weaker Vision by aaronroche

Oil in the Gulf

Oil in the Gulf

happy b-day

joyeux anniversaire au moi. this year has been crazy.

this is the year of coming of age for sure.

something made by Sahale

this is weird..
bear with me




imagine animated snowflakes floating past this moose and you have the mental
image I saw when I listened to this song::

there always is a separation between us and the world.
there always is a separation between ourselves and another person.

that is empowering.
for the longest time, I thought that having that person would make me happy

I thought, I like myself. I think I am awesome! but why doesn't anyone else!!!
the problem is I wasn't comfortable in my skin at all.
maybe I liked the concept of me, but I didn't like me.

I think that when you know who you are and you like it, no one can manipulate you.
No one's truths will conflict with your own
and you won't trade in yourself for another

I was thinking the other day..
while I was cooking in a bikini.
yes. cooking in a bikini.

I was thinking: this is fun!
someday I will do this for my husband.

I liked that about myself. I thought, I want to be that person.
that person who randomly decides to cook in a bikini

the problem is no one knows that I am that person.
they look at me and say:

cute but silly and gullible little girl
aw, adorable.

haha
oh, book covers.
all is never as it appears. unless you only are interested in the skin deep.
and someday someone will get to know me enough not to know better than to put me in that box.
but for now I will embrace all of the following::

yes! I love Jesus
yes! I cook in bikinis
yes! confirmed! I am silly and laugh at everything
yes! I love John Stewart
yes! rage against the machine makes me happy
yes! I climb mountains
yes! I watch world cup finals and I will watch UFC fighting matches
yes! yes! I laugh at South Park
yes! I also will admit I light votive candles for people
yes! I have not gone to church in at least 4 months. surprise!
yes! I watch Dr. Who as a pastime
yes! who runs this town? j-j-j-jay-z!!
yes! If I get mad at a cat for clawing me I may or may not throw it across the room and I may or may not get paid back by karma by sitting back down on the curling iron I had set precariously on the couch cushion
yes! I may or may not miss you if you kiss me. so make double sure you mean it.

}}{{.:.It's not a lover I want no more,
and it's not heaven I'm pining for,
but there's some spirit I used to know,
that's been drowned out by the radio!

They say a watched pot won't ever boil,
you can't raise a baby on motor oil,
just like a seed down in the soil
you gotta give it time..:. }}{{

-the arcade fire

// some playlists I made for Tom Gorai //

your epic

DONALD MILLER! the sweetest name right now. Donald Miller reinstates my belief in sane people being able to believe in God. my God.

How silly my rants and raves and trials through religion seem when I read his words. How much wasted time on doctrine and selfishness, when I could be claiming life.. real life. So much self inflicted hurt and hurting others because I did not know who I truly am. Because I didn't see how wonderful and life-filling the bottom line was.

"You get the feeling when you look back on life that that's all God really wants from us, to live inside a body he made and enjoy the story and bond with us through experience."

In his book, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years", Donald Miller thinks on his own life, as his memoirs: "Blue LIke Jazz" is about to be made into a movie. As they are writing the script, the director of the film explains to Donald that movies can't be like the background noise of the everyday life, they have to contain struggles and conflicts that the hero must champion.

Donald is forced to look over his life and recount his struggles, his failures, and successes. In a story they are all of equal importance and value because they weave the story of a person of value .. of infinite value to God. God doesn't want robot-perfect followers, but people of heart, people who slip and fall, people who are real.

"Somehow we realize that the great stories are told in conflict but we are unwilling to embrace the potential greatness of the story we are actually in. We think God is unjust, rather he is a master storyteller."

"The thing about death is it reminds you the story we are telling has finality. My uncle's funeral was beautiful. I flew down to join the family, and while people were certainly sad, there was also a sense we were burying a good man, which feels different than burying an average man.

My uncle's life was celebrated at his funeral. We sang the hymns he loved to sing, and people told stories. His sister, my aunt, stood up and said when my uncle and his family were living in Michigan, he took her out snowshoeing one night. My aunt said the new-fallen snow glowed against the moonlight as though the earth were talking to the sky. At one point, she said, after crossing through some woods, my uncle lifted his hands towards God and recited the verses from the Bible that say, 'When I consider the heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; what is man that thou art mindful of him?'"

.:..:..:.

" heard a lot of playwrights used to end their stories with a funeral if it was a tragedy and a wedding if it was a comedy, I think that's why we make such a big deal our of weddings, because a wedding means life, and because the bride and groom are old enough to write a thank-you note for the serving spoons you gave them. And perhaps because you get to drink and dance, no matter how old you are. I only dance at weddings. I practically only drink at weddings, too, mostly because that's where I do my dancing. One of the things that gives me hope is that, even with all the tragedy that happens in the world, the Bible says that when we get to heaven, there will be a wedding and there will be drinking and there will be dancing.."

((all quotes from Donald Miller's book, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years". I highly recommend.))

01 The Sun is Setting Sweetly on the Century by Aaron Roche by sahalemarja

ah.

today I saved a turtle who was stranded in the middle of the road.
such a simple little thing to see the turtle clamber up on the other side and into the brush. but it really defined the day.
I was so happy to see that little turtle paddle into the wilderness.
so ends another weekend and on to another week.
.:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:.:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:..:.
I sat on the couch and watched "Invictus".
"Invictus" is about how president Mandela used South Africa's rugby team to unite the country post-apartheid.
I loved it. It reminded me a lot of "Facing the Giants". ((I laugh to myself.))
although a lot of people could call "Facing the Giants" christian tripe, the ideas in "Invictus" are uncannily similar.

In "Facing the Giants", we see a football team constantly at the mercy of every other school they face. Losing game after game. The coach really tests God and follows His plan to see where it leads. He then motivates his team to fight and win because they are playing for something bigger. He suggests that they are playing to represent God. With this new focus in place the team starts winning game after game and rally to get into the division championships.

"Invictus" is about a rugby team, South Africa's to be exact. Another team that cannot win to save its life. As South Africa changes from a Bristish based political government to a African lead government, however, Nelson Mandella, the recently and controversially elected president, sees the national rugby team as a chance to rally and unite the country.. black and white. He instills this philosophy in the team's members and shows them how they are part of something bigger and a reflection of the new unity of the country. Suddenly, with this new and bigger perspective the formerly loser team starts winning and winning until it is in the World Cup finals.

In both of these teams, the only difference is the bigger purpose that they are given. A bigger reason to win, a deeper and more fulfilling purpose than just sport or big salaries. People that think that "Facing the Giants" turn around is silly would have to use the same logic in the true story of "Invictus". I'm not saying a prayer and a silly Jesus bumper sticker changed anyone's life, but the power of belief is something that can be and has been transformative.

I don't know where that puts me. ha. this might sound kinda silly, but as I ponder little moments, like the turtle paddling into the forest, I like to think that I am part of something bigger than myself, and that makes me see life in a different and bigger way. I think belief in its purest form is, in itself, something beautiful.
I think of the devote Hindu in the Ganges or the Muslim kissing the black stone or a Sufi whirling dervish in devotional prayer.
Maybe they are wrong.. maybe they are right, but the belief that brings them there is, in my opinion, admirable
..and that makes it holy.

It makes even saving a silly and suicidal turtle a sacred moment.
It leaves even the quietest and silent-est moment filled with the presence of God.

images found on my work computer.

outfit of note::
black and white striped 80's sweater // from a friend of my mother
made in mexico purse from urban outfitters $30
pike place market centennial t-shirt // $6 at the market in seattle
brown short skirt // from same mother's friend
yellow tinted sun glasses // $3 from All Things Groovy in Chattanooga

no surprises.

Sahale had a new mission to record a song for a podcast at the School of Art at Southern. Sahale attempted to record a couple of songs all alone in the dark and lonely recording rooms of 2nd floor Brock to no success..
One take live performances from a girl who can't strum in time seem to end up as no goes, no surprise. But then she called on her trusty friend and musician, Jon-Michael Brown of the Chattanooga band, Prophets and Kings. He channeled the great Stephen Nichols and the drummer from PK, Eric Liscia, who dropped in unexpectedly, played acoustic guitar.

The song is Hummingbird by Cocoon.

videos I have seen recently

Sunshowers from Stamp Films on Vimeo.

F.an / TWO MINUTES from maxime bruneel on Vimeo.

Underwear by FM Belfast (Music Video) from Daniel Scheinert on Vimeo.

SHOWstudio: Gareth Pugh A/W'09 by Ruth Hogben from SHOWstudio on Vimeo.

Ubuntu B-Boys from Fly on the Wall on Vimeo.

Seattle is a good lover.

why the NW is the best?

because while the rest of the nation thinks in their boxes the Northwest's box is that we think in none. While the rest of the country is fun for a visit because of the perspectives and ways of thinking that are fun to explore, I will eternally be drawn to the Northwest because I can think clearly while I'm there. I can be liberal and challenge arrogance and faulty thought, yet I can feel joy and liberation in the rich context of tradition, that is where we come from and where we draw wisdom from. Maybe I am bias, having lived in the Seattle area for most of my young life, but when I am there I am free to be myself, which is just as good and just as amazing as having a good lover.

best view in Seattle




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Things you believe are a combination of beliefs AND what you want for yourself.

I don't believe that sex before marriage is evil. In fact, I know many men and women that have enjoyed it and have no regrets. But what I want for myself is different. When I think about it, and really say what I really want, I only want to be with one person. I want to sexually bond to them and have no baggage. I also believe that if he can wait for me then he will be able to withstand any temptation from others. And I know that if I can give my whole heart to them there will be no scars to work through and I will be free to love him completely. So, I will wait for ME and the one I will love. But at the same time, since my core values aren't rooted in marriage, I will make the decision based off when I trust and love someone and know we are committed. ((Although, I think part of that might be someone being able to want to commit with me in a marriage relationship.)) This is why it is hard to judge a symptom, because it says nothing about what it going on in the heart. My beliefs are based off of what creates the greatest true and deep love, but what I want for myself is the degree of ideal love that I am okay with. Realistically I don't need the ideal, but I strive for it, so that I don't betray my deepest beliefs or allow others to trample them. You get what you work for and the amount and depth of love you glean from others says a lot about you as well and what you give to the one you love.

So consider those two things..

WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Who do you want to be?
What do you really, really want?
What are your priorities and what does that say about you?
Your decisions reflect what you value.

No matter what another says and no matter what they try to make you want or believe, the decisions you make are what you will have to live with, and they truly paint the picture of who you are.

Decisions people make might not reflect on whether they are good or bad people. But they definitely reflect on what they value. Sometimes one person's evil is just another person's pure shallowness or stupidity. They just don't care or want something better.

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?
Humans are more than a ball of emotions. We make decisions because of something higher that we know is better in the long run. We have the ability to create a future for ourselves in the present. That is partially based off the truths we believe that keep us from our animal instincts. They are separate and profound. At the same time they are tempered by a sense of moderation and realistic world application. Not everything we strive for can be boxed up in a perfect package.

When you are being honest with yourself, what do you truly believe?
Why and when would you ever betray that?

Think about someone you dislike a lot. Would you betray your deepest beliefs for them?
Apply that decision to anyone you meet in the future. Through your honesty with yourself you can trust your decisions.
No matter how much you like them, if they don't respect you, you are disrespecting yourself and hurting yourself to compromise. That will affect them none, but might define you.

Through respect comes love and through honesty comes trust. Through both comes the best relationships. ((don't let anyone make you believe you otherwise))

And really, life is all about relationships…

more pics. life

this is Sahale food.
made with my hands..



this is clearance food.

todd preston.

last night I saw Todd Preston of Half Price Hero at our handy dandy City Cafe! He's supposed to be in Memphis! Reminded me of this song that we randomly recorded in November. Made me very happy to listen to it again. . : )

unreleased song was written by Todd Preston

I want to go to here.

if I am ever.. in Spain.. here//here//here//here//here//here

things of the future.