ce weekend

This weekend we are going up to Rosario beach to sprinkle my mom's ashes in the ocean so that they will bioluminesce with the phosphorescent microorganisms.

It was one of her last requests.

It will be a healing weekend but not one I am really looking forward to.
The idea of it seems really stressful.

I think it is simply because the loss of my mom brings up all the many feelings and fears I have about loss and abandonment.

I don't want to feel this fear but I also think that I must face these feelings head on to work through them. And I need to face this challenge alone.

I so tired of needing some coping mechanism or somebody to be be there for me when I am scared and facing things that create anxiety in me (in lieu of emotions) or emotions (when I am able to express them). I want to do this for me and to know that I am strong enough to face it.


So I am a little scared but I little liberated and excited to go on this adventure.

I'll let you know what happens.