deborah turbeville

'I destroy the image after I've made it,' said Turbeville. 'Obliterate it a little so you never have it completely there.' Its a quite un-American world, a view through the rear window, facinated by the beaten, worn and forgotten..

//reposted from the blog fragments..

stormy daze.

completely intrigued by Sarah Moon

photographic evidence

//

today.

I saw this as I walked through Red Square at the University of Washington.

they had their boom box plugged in nearby with a big band blaring.

students shuffled passed on their way to class.

OBAMA is in TOWN

Today Obama is going to be in town for a rally for incumbent Senator, Patty Murray.. kind of a rough war in Washington state for the senate seat which is usually a given democrat. The tea party-ers where out in force on the overpasses as I drove to work. Unfortunately, I won't be able to join in and hearing the president because I have work.

Lately, I have been very envious of the French people. Not because of their baguettes or little French berets. Or their culture and language. No! in fact its because they know how to stick it to the man and tell him to suck! it! We are so terrified of our government, but France has a long tradition of revolution. so awesome. 1.2 million people took it to the streets in protest of the new pension plan that pushed retirement to 62. A lot of high schoolers participated too.. I can't imagine high schoolers here in the US even caring about their future pensions. I love you France for your murder of apathy. Virtual high five and double facebook like to you.

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In other news! I cut my locks! Finally.. and it feels good. I feel freed.. haha Scary though it might be, changes are usually good. Known evil seems attractive and comfortable but my new short and tangle-less hair seems a no evil at this point.

face & hair

drive

the drive today.
Seattle melted into the fog. Across the bridge I couldn't even see the city. It was if it had been abducted by the fog.
I took the back way through the arboretum. Its the longer way.. but the amazing forest that winds through the city is worth the drive once and a while.

KEXP provide the soundtrack..! glorious.

mornings in Seattle..

Jane Eyre

This morning was glorious! I couldn't help smiling when I saw Seattle sparkling against Lake Union on my drive into work. I am happy for now. Life is good. And trying to focus on the right things. Pulling the log out of my own eye, to be honest..

Today has promise. I am corny I know, but last night me and my mom watched BBC's Jane Eyre and what a contrast it is to Mulholland Drive and David Lynch's other film Blue Velvet, which I am currently watching.. Its not a masterpiece but it portrays something we all dream of yet mysteriously can't seem to always accomplish,.. love. It re-inspired me to wait for love. Not a perfect human being but one capable of this type of love that I so long for. Someone who also believes it is possible. Sometimes I think we make up the impediments to this sweet condition ourselves, or watch the pot, or look for it in all the wrong places. We seek the thrill and sell out before we find the real thing. Patience is a virtue that I must learn for it reaps the most amazing beautiful benefits. I know I am impatient but looking at Eyre who didn't really even believe that she need look for love or expect it in life, found it because by the same attitude she didn't contrive it. Focus on life, happiness, moderate ambition, spontaneity, enjoyment of small things and I am sure, if it is meant to be, it will come.

So re-infused with the promise of a hopeful outlook and the excitement of filmic pursuits and new opportunities .. new challenges.. new places that will destroy my comfort zone but make me awesomer.. I find a kind of contentment, that doesn't live on its own but MUST be fostered. I know that now. For me to be happy with who I am and life in general, I have to work at it. It doesn't come naturally but it is on me to do it. All on me. I know that now. God claims no part in that. He can open a door but I can just as easily slam it in His face with my attitude or not even see it or want it. That means God is a choice. I even choose to want Him to exist and I design the value of His worship. And I am searching to find the wisdom of the Bible reflected in the world.. I know I am bias because I want to find.. but I'll try and stay objective so that when I find those snatches of God, it will be real.



Haha I heard in a T.I. and Chris Brown song this morning that said "my road to redemption has no GPS".. I feel like that is true. In our youth we kinda wander.. and I think, more than anything, ourselves is what hurts us the most. I don't think T.I. means redemption from hell, and I don't think that is what interests me either. Its more redeption from yourself. From unhappiness. I think one day ((hopefully if we have learned from our mistakes)) we see life for what truly it is. Honestly what it is. And we know what we claim and value in it.. and we attach ourselves to those things and let others identify WHO WE ARE through it.

At the same time people can sound soooo wise when they haven't been there. Wisdom is good, but it should be taken in context.. and your grain of salt in anyone's wisdom is based off your lived life.. only you know what you NEED and what you want for yourself. so chase it! And then live it and don't look back. Questioning is good but a life over analyzed and over questioned is HELL. I say intuition is priceless. You'll know when you are headed the right way..

I talked with a friend the other night.. a friend who was really really really conservative for the longest time. Then she confronted reality.. tested her beliefs and is a whole new person. Yesterday's wisdom is not her wisdom of today. She has become world wise. I don't mean cynical. Don't ever let cynical-ness destroy the possibilities.. because life can be whatever you set your mind and your attitude for it to be.. but she had realized how life works for her .. her soul. That is pure good goodness when you find that!!!

Mulholland Drive

This last weekend I saw David Lynch's Mulholland Drive.
It was the most interesting film I have seen in a long time.
A lot people dismiss it because it is very indirect in its narrative style and the story appears scattered.However the acuity of the filmmaking skill involved with its creation speaks otherwise and I could helpbut to have an uncanny connection with the material.
Mulholland Drive is one of those films where you feel a very strong auteur at the reigns. I had much the similar feel as when I saw Kill BIll for the first time. It left me compelled by the depth of the characters and the genuinity of the moments on screen as well as the execution those scenes ... yet I was totally baffled by some of the meaning that seemed to be lurking.

I think I got it. A bad dream reconstructed to be good, to fool the main character, Betty, into believing that she didn't do what she had done, that the system was against her and that her actions were not real, until the horror of her true
intentions, actions, and false talent overwhelm her into taking her own life. Clues are strewn through the film to her
true downfall and that the main plot line of the film is her trying to hide that truth from from us and herself.

There is one very poignant scene of the film where Betty and her lover Rita go to the theater and see and act in which the truth
is also skewed.. in which great performances are faked.. lip synced and Betty realizes her fallacy as well. The metaphor works to make comments on so many things in David Lynch's POV, including his own film industry.

For some reason I am drawn to the honest mess this film seems to shed light on. It feels truly cinematic even if a bit artsy. Don't take my word for it. See the movie for yourself. But do be warned the concepts and portrayed characters are not for all and I definitely wouldn't recommend this movie for your general audience or party setting.

DAVID LYNCH. awesome!

And yes.. I know I am a little late on the draw seeing this movie.

haha

I love the Tune-Yards

//

please play these songs .:.

Synonynonym

Fiya

ShadowCatcher // Week 2

This is was another long and lonely week at the empty house.
Luckily, I decided to go to my grandparents this weekend to see both sets of them.
I've never really visited them alone before, as a representative of just me.. usually always
with the rest of the gang, but it was kinda cool to see them and hang out with them.
Family is very comfortable very safe and happy.

One thing I noticed that was very pronounced was the fact that I have been living in a bubble for a very long
time. I have enjoyed the kind of Christianity that I am comfortable with and spirituality that I have always
and consistently desired. We never did Bible studies, we never recited verses or did group prayers. Religion, or
spirituality, as I prefer, was more of a personal and internal connection and worship of God. Meeting "Christian"
guys as been a big let down.

Man, I really want to be compatible with you!
You probably would be good for me!

..but its not who I am. I kind of end up looking at it with degree of distaste. If you list "The Bible" as one of your
favorite books or God as one of the most important parts and passions of your life, I think that you are protesting
a little too much. Of course God is important to you if you are spiritual, of course! the Bible is hope and wisdom
for you! For me that is a given for who I am.. I want to know more realistically what you like and who you are.. not how
pious you supposedly are haha

Revelation: the two suck-iest things in life is putting people on pedestals and taking yourself too seriously.
I think both lead to unhappiness and unsatisfaction with yourself.

DUDE so yesterday there was the most amazing sunset at the homestead
mazing.
There are so many birds in the trees around my house.. their songs are defining in the night.
I don't know if they are migrating or not.. but they were dipping and plunging in and through the light of the sunset.
It was gloriously beautiful.






ShadowCatcher working has been good, although I've already decided that I have to go to LA or NYC to do what I want to do, so ShadowCatcher is not forever.

===>>>> my current and natural habitat

rediscovering the joy of hot coffee and mint milano cookies.. as well as euro macbook pros and final cut.. Native American photography and Mexican hand bags. >

i love the scott pilgrim soundtrack.

ShadowCatcher // WEEK 1

This week was a week of my latest endeavor: working for Seattle based production company ShadowCatcher. I have been extremely blessed to get a job in Seattle and with friends from my internship. This opportunity has been awesome! and so far fun. I really enjoy being in the production office everyday with new challenges and learning more indepth about the ins and outs of post production as well as distribution.

ShadowCatcher is working on a number of projects but biggest ones in their repertoire are the feature film "Outsourced" and the feature documentary, "A Not So Still Life" about the well known glass artist, Ginny Ruffner.

You may heard of the show "Outsourced" which is on NBC's thursday comedy line up and you may have notice in that show the credits of Executive Producers Tom Gorai and David Skinner, those are my bosses. With NBC's acquisition of "Outsourced" adapted into a television show, the "Outsourced" film is hoping to get some attention and sales. The film has been currently totally self distributed and this new attention to it has caused some more demand for the movie. You can stream "Outsourced" the film on Netflix.

"A Not So Still Life" is in the distribution process and has been well received by the artistic community. It is a very inspiring film for any aspiring artist and Ginny Ruffner herself is completely compelling and winning. Her determination and her unique spirit do seem to shine through the screen during the film. We currently are working with that film for film festival submission and anything could happen.

Distribution is one of the more challenging and brute work parts of filmmaking, in my estimation. I can't imagine how many films have made only back burner because of lack of advertising or timing. How many amazing projects have I never even heard of? I hope to learn as much as I can and glean how to be more successful at marketing and pitching my films. It seems that a lot of Hollywood is interested in films that are known winners and sellers but I think the most interesting films are completely different.. you just have to figure out how to convince an audience of that.

ShadowCatcher is partially an amazing place to work because of the place that it is. Situated up in an old apartment building on Capitol Hill, I love everything about the building. The smell of it, the style of the old carpet, the creaky steps.
I love the wooden floors and the white molding on the walls. My boss, David Skinner, has hung a collection of Native American photography on the walls that are spectacular. I've started to wonder if the photos were taken by Edward Curtis, know as Shadow Catcher by some tribes he photographed. He took over 40,000 photos
of 80 American Indian tribes. Shadow Catcher seems like an appropriate name for a filmmaking company. Not only the space but the working environment is team oriented and getting good work done in the spirit of making and cultivating working relationships that work because they are valued. From my perspective this makes ShadowCatcher a great and happy place to work.

Being in Seattle is being home and that is nice for now. Working for ShadowCatcher is only a temporary job so we will see what happens in terms of staying here but for now it is good to be home and to be out of Tennessee.



My friend Annea and I went out on Friday night. She is fun. She is weird. She makes me really happy.. for my previous assumption is that I was the weirdo but together she makes me feel normal, and spontaneous enough to be weird if I want.
You would find us walking and talking down some downtown Seattle street..
We are dicussing our plans to open a silkscreening and art collective shop, that will probably never happen because we both don't know our plans and probably soon will find out that starting a business is harder than you might think, but it doesn't matter. Seattle was never a place I got to explore in my youth and now that I am old enough to be out this late on a Friday night, we decide to go down to The Baltic Room in Seattle to have a drink. Nothing more nothing less. We sit under the dim lit lounge lights as she sips her jack and soda and I sip my coke and rum. We talk about love (( and how in love she is )) and endeavors and exciting life prospects..

I like constructing myself. I like choosing who I am. I like that I am in charge. I am the sole creator of my likes, my dislikes, who I love and who I dislike, what I need and what I can learn, parts of me I want to work on and other parts that I don't care are unorganized and messed up. I really like that no one else has any part of that piece of me. I am in charge of my relationship with God ((and if I even believe in a God)) and my happiness and relationship with myself.
Sometimes we judge ourselves more than others ever have.
I think, if you have created yourself to be an individual you love, people can only stop you if you let them..

I hope, for my future self and my future filmmaker, that that is what I am doing right now.

today at work my friend offered me a tootsie pop
I notice the Indian (( er native american )) shooting the star on my wrapper
and I wondered about the legend that if you found on of those
you won a free tootsie pop..

I researched a little bit and found that some how this idea
didn't even come from any shadow of truth.

never has been or ever was a promotion by tootsie of this nature.
but the legend has grown so much that if you send in your
tootsie wrapper to the company they will send you
a copy of the "the legend of the wrapper".. a self writ story of how
that legend came to be..
so the legend lives on

I might send mine in and see what happens.



today me and my friend are going to meet and discuss starting a handmade and silkscreening company!
I'll let you know what happens with that.

And! soon we will have guest writer and co-editor Chelsea Grimstad add her thoughts to the blog!