I am completely drained tonight.
Utterly.
But I finally had a break through. A major epiphany.
Professionalism in life is so important.
The natural place for professionalism is in the work place, of course.
Sahale is sheepish in finally believing this, since I originally attempted to fight this..
I know that professionalism is mainly employed to get stuff done. To put your own personal issues aside for a bigger goal. To be productive and then to really be able to feel proud and happy about things you have been able to accomplish.
But on that note... aren't there so many other things in life we want to be productive other than our work life? We want our relationships and our personal life to be productive as well.
That got me thinking that we can't just be professional with our work life selves, we have to use professionalism in all areas of life to make them equally flourish and productive.
We have to be professional friends.
We have to be professional spouses.
We have to be professional, sometimes, even with ourselves.
We can't bring all our messed up shit to to the table an expect to get anywhere.
We have to deal with our own issues and solve them to be any kind of productive with others or sometimes make head way with our ourselves (our own decisions and interactions with life).
That is a generalization.
But I remember in high school.. the number one way I would characterize people's relationships would have to be: completely unprofessional.
All they were out to get was someone to hang their troubles on.. to be a comforter .. a pacifier.
Which is great! If you are looking for a temporary high.. a specific need to be filled.. and an un-dynamic, immature sorta creation between the two of you.
I definitely know that, that is what I was looking for at the time.
Someone to tell me everything would be alright and to wipe my tears away.
Good thing I didn't get it, because, although that's what I wanted.. it wasn't what I needed.
What I really needed, and truth be told, therefore should have wanted, is respect, love, friendship.. all of which are only really accessible when someone is really practiced at life and will be a professional with you. And equally what other people deserved from me was just the same, not some broken girl who needed her ego stroked all the time.
Professionalism is now quite a cornerstone of my philosophy.
But in learning that, how stupid have I been!
Yes, my number one blind spot has left me with very little faith in others.
Very skeptical about who they are and how they are going to treat me.
Are they using me to prop themselves up? or are they going to be a professional at life, and treat me with honor, respect, love, honesty, faith... all the really valuable stuff?
And truly people should develop trust with you.
People should work to create that trust over time.
But in my workplace my issues created a rift in my professionalism.
My issues led me to assumptions and expectations of situations and people that were destructive of the process .. negative and unhelpful.
I lacked faith, against my intuition.
How will I ever even find out what work can get done I don't even give it a good chance.... a good shot? How will I know if I maintain my lukewarm hesitancy?
I can't grow trust and productiveness unless I am 100% present.. 100% professional.
First of all, reality, its my job. I'm being paid to be this 100% supportive person.
But there is something more than that, that I should be paying attention too.
My boss is not superman. I cannot put him on a pedestal and hold him to that standard, because we are all human. Also, I don't know him well enough to see the context of the bigger picture in which his life operates and the all of "why" of what he does.
But this much I know and completely admire (want to be like):
-really listens to what others have to say and considers it really thoughtfully. When you work with him, he is present and doesn't act as if he would rather be somewhere else, with someone else.
-is patient. Gives people time and space to learn lessons. Doesn't tear them down. Carefully considers the words he uses with them to not hurt or offend them. Has faith in them and expects the best.
-tries to understand others holistically. Know their context and where they are coming from. Finds value in everybody and always learns something from them. Then supports them .. gives them real tangible leverage in their life. Creates really meaningful relationships with people that are positive. Treats them as if they are incredibly valuable.
-wades through others' issues for the sake of something bigger (namely: the work) and doesn't let them convolute the goal or hurt him enough to slow his own progress or work. Inner strength..
-has an opinion that has real reference points and uses it to support and direct projects to positive and productive ends!! Keeps track of reality and applies it as a very powerful tool.
-takes every task seriously and finds a personal stake in it to propel and motivate himself to finish it with the utmost standard of quality.
-student of the world. seeker of knowledge and doesn't use that knowledge as a weapon.
-treats me with the most respect that I have ever been shown... anywhere. Trusts me with really important work and responsibilities! Things I knew I could do AND didn't know I could do. I only did them because he believed in me first.
All evident signals are pointing to something of great worth. Something, that by my experience, is really really rare and really really valuable. Definitely should be worth investing in and supporting.
I know he is capable of great and amazing things. I just need to follow that belief up with strength of action!
So! This new-week resolution is to be 100% present. 100% the servant. 100% supportive.
100% cheerful. 100% me. (hopefully the best version, I can be)
Represent, like my boss has, the world I believe in.
And be the strong, awesome, motivated, hard-working, kind person I know is inside me!
CUT my cynicism.
Stop talking that way.
Stop thinking that way.
And see what happens! Who knows..
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